We all love receiving praise from others for our achievements, don’t we? From the moment we’re born, we crave validation, whether it’s from parents, teachers, coworkers, or our spouse. It’s natural to seek external validation.
Sure, it feels amazing when we receive it. But sometimes, we take this need for validation to an unhealthy extreme. We become overly reliant on others’ approval, constantly seeking external validation that may not always come. And when it doesn’t, doubts creep in, questioning our abilities and values.
Relying solely on external validation and not receiving it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a lack of self-confidence. When we place too much value on others’ opinions, disapproval or criticism becomes difficult to accept. We become needy, constantly seeking validation to feel accepted again.
However, according to psychcentral.com, the key is to learn how to self-validate. This is the truest measure of our self-worth. When we practice healthy self-validation, external validation becomes easier to come by.
So, what does self-validation entail? Let’s break it down:
- Encourage yourself. Remind yourself how valuable you truly are.
- Recognize your strengths and celebrate your successes and efforts.
- Accept your feelings. Be your own cheerleader and show kindness to yourself.
- Embrace your imperfections. After all, nobody is perfect, so don’t expect perfection from yourself.
- Reflect on your experiences and validate your emotions. The purest form of self-validation occurs when you observe and describe your internal experiences with raw accuracy. No guesswork or assumptions. For instance, if your boss yelled at you today and you feel angry, acknowledge it. If your hands are trembling a bit, recognize that you’re also feeling anxious and afraid.
Self-validation is a skill that takes time to develop. Start with just one self-validating thought per day and gradually build from there. Happiness.com offers some helpful suggestions on how to cultivate self-validation.
Here’s how to create self-validation:
1. Awareness: Recognize that self-validation is essential. Embrace a non-judgmental attitude toward your experiences.
2. Be honest with yourself. Embracing imperfection can be challenging, especially if you’ve been conditioned to believe that greatness equals worthiness. If demanding parents or an unforgiving environment shaped you into a harmful perfectionist, it’s crucial to learn self-validation and be honest about your flaws.
3. Cultivate self-awareness. Develop your ability to understand your emotions and experiences. Learn to regulate your emotions, foster empathy, and refine your social skills.
4. Connect with your body’s responses. Understand that you are a unity of body and mind. Validate who you are, your emotional state, and your experiences.
5. Reflect on past experiences. Acknowledge that all your past encounters have shaped you into who you are today. Recognize the consequences of both positive and negative experiences.
In the end, self-validation brings freedom. By developing this skill, you learn to embrace life’s ups and downs, accepting both the good and the bad. Relying on yourself for validation empowers you to own your experiences fully. You become an autonomous individual who accepts and validates yourself. No longer will you let naysayers dictate your worth. Embrace self-validation and pave the way to a happier you.
